Honey, We Need to Talk.
It turns out that when it comes to talking about relationships, men know something that most women don’t. Despite a woman’s best intentions, talking about your relationship has a better chance of making things worse rather than better. It has nothing to do with his lack of interest or poor communication skills.
Most women want to talk because it makes them feel better if they’re upset. Guys don’t want to talk because it won’t make them feel better. Instead, it will make them feel worse. Either way, if a conversation is forced, both of you will end feeling discouraged and could possibly disconnect. The disconnection creates loneliness and is found at the heart of every argument or silence treatment, aging on your disappointment or resentment. It likely will create distance that can ultimately destroy your relationship.
The real reason a woman needs to talk it out, aside from resentment and frustration, is disconnection makes her feel anxious and, on a bigger level, isolated and afraid. The reason a man doesn’t want to talk about the relationship is because her dissatisfaction with him makes him feel like a failure. On a bigger level, he feels ashamed. His shame is way too big to allow him to understand her fear, and her fear keeps her from seeing his shame. When we try to overcome our feelings of vulnerability in opposite ways, by talking and not talking, all we end up sharing are disappointment and heartache.
It’s About Connection
The male-female disconnection is the biggest single factor in the soaring divorce rate. About 80 percent of all divorcees say they “grew apart.” This is very tragic because it is so unnecessary. A wife doesn’t want another girlfriend; she wants a deeper connection with her husband. But her female oriented attempts to get what they both want would fail even if he were less resistant. That is because their problem is not about communication. It is about disconnection. They are not disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. At the beginning of a relationship, when you feel connected, you communicate just fine. You will talk to each other for hours. When the wife exposed vulnerable feelings, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected and her belief that he would be there for her satisfied all her fears. The husband also fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector, and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate. The best chance of saving your marriage is to return to this state of mutually satisfying and empowering connection.
Todd Redding is a professional private investigator specializing in affair discovery. His 23 years of experience has given him a keen sense of how a marriage works successfully. If your marriage is in jeopardy of an affair and you need to find out the truth, call our agency for free advice. We will hold your hand from start to finish. Call 1-888-777-0683. Remember, “Our Advice is always free!”
