Cheating When Children Are Involved
You’ve had this nagging suspicion for so long that he’s cheating. All the red flags are up: the phone calls, the late arrivals home at night, and he activated that gym membership that he stopped using after the first year of marriage. Then he comes home and his face lights up when the kids come running to him. Suddenly he’s more patient with them, more caring. Even if he is cheating, the kids are happy and they need him. Maybe all of this is easier if you just don’t know.
It is easier to believe if you never go looking the family can be happy. If you knew the truth you’d want to leave him on the principle of the matter. But in the end your kids need their father right? Knowing the truth would tear your family apart. Believe it or not, avoiding it to protect your children can still hurt them. Children are inherently sensitive to trouble in the household and not addressing it can cause a lot more damage than actually addressing it.
There are a lot of factors to consider. The first being, do you really have to know? It’s one thing to brush off him being home 20 minutes late once because of traffic, but when you find yourself needing to rationalize a reason to go through his phone it might be time to admit there is a trust issue in the relationship. Before you jump straight to the accusations think through your concerns and keep the following Do’s and Don’ts in mind.
Don’t
- Don’t immediately go asking your children or their friends about what your spouse is up to when you are not around. It can open them up to feeling as though they were part of the affair by not telling you sooner, or that they did something wrong by lying to you. Until you’re sure there is something going on its best to keep them out of it. When taking steps to find out the truth, keep it discreet.
- Don’t vent to your children about your suspicions. It can put a strain on their own relationship and can even feel like a burden to them to have the knowledge that something is wrong.
- Don’t confront your spouse with your children present. It can be traumatizing and chances are having them present won’t prevent yelling or arguments.
- Don’t try to hide your feelings. When they start asking what’s wrong instead of telling them about your suspicions, just say you have things on your mind, but it’s not their fault and they don’t need to worry.
Do
- Do once the truth is in the open with you and your spouse decide what to tell your children together. Presenting a united front can lessen the impact and prevents your children from having to feel as though they have to choose a side.
- Do be honest with your children about your feelings. Chances are they can sense it, denying it just makes them feel like maybe you can’t tell them because they are the cause of it.
- Do reaffirm they are not the cause of the fighting between you and your spouse. They may never say they feel it’s their fault, but they may still be feeling it.
- Do keep communication open. In the end you know your children best. If you feel like they need to talk about it more don’t hide from the conversations. Once they can verbalize and understand what is wrong they can begin to move forward from it.
If you are having suspicions about your spouse a Private Investigator can help you discreetly find out what your spouse hasn’t been telling you. Todd Redding is a veteran licensed private investigator that specializes in affair discovery, cheating spouse and alimony private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 1-888-777-0683.
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