Marriage Counseling for Cheating Spouses

Some people are like foxes; they know many things. Other people are like hedgehogs; they know one big thing.

A fox is a clever animal able to devise many tactics for attacking the hedgehog. Everyday the fox looks like he has another brilliant strategy to finally win his prey.

The hedgehog, on the other hand, is a slow boring creature whose defense is the same no matter how the fox attacks. Everyday the fox thinks, “Aha, now I’ve got you.” But everyday, no matter what approach the fox takes, no matter where he strikes from, no matter what time of day it is, as soon as the hedgehog senses danger he thinks, “Here we go again,” and he rolls up into a little ball, extends his sharp spikes, and spoils the fox’s best laid plans.

Everyone has problems, issues, and challenges in their marriage. Yours may even be severe. And you will no doubt face a variety of problems over the years.

You might think that for each new problem, you need a new solution. But you don’t! Think like a hedgehog not a fox. Remember, for a hedgehog THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS THE SAME.

Some radio and television shows are hosted by relationship experts who have guests or allow people to call-in to share their problems. It’s fascinating the myriad of problems that couples face. What’s equally fascinating is the host’s ability to find unique solutions for all the different problems.

It makes for an interesting show, but it’s just not that complicated. The ultimate answer to every problem is the same—love. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of it. Got a problem? You don’t need a solution. You need more love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!

Sound hokey? I know it does. Think about it though. Remember when you fell in love? What problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you had love!

You know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or the corner of their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was so cute? Then one day it became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse used to be thrifty and now your spouse is cheap. WHAT CHANGED? Your love changed—that’s what changed! And the solution to that annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to rebuild your love.

The problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes the counselor) sees the problem. If you see your problems as the problem; that’s your problem.

When people schedule private phone sessions with me their first inclination is to ask me for a solution to their marriage problems. My solution is for them to institute a series of positive relationship habits that slowly but surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.

Fixing problems and developing communication skills can lead to small incremental changes in your marriage. But if you want to transform your marriage, if you want to make a quantum change, you have to implement a pattern of new relationship habits. You have to create love.

People get all bogged down in the negativity of trying to solve their problems. It’s no fun and it’s not productive. The crucial question in marriage is NOT how to solve your problems; it’s how to create love.

Todd Redding is a professional private investigator specializing in affair discovery. His 23 years of experience has given him a keen sense of how a marriage works successfully. If your marriage is in jeopardy of an affair and you need to find out the truth, call our agency for free advice. We will hold your hand from start to finish. Call 1-888-777-0683. Remember, “Our Advice is always free!”

 

 

Is Someone Listening?

Is Someone Listening?

You hadn’t set the phone down for more than a minute when she called demanding to know who this mystery girl was. Your first reaction is to look over your shoulder, but even after spinning 360 degrees you don’t see anyone. There a few people across the street on their phone looking at you, but could they hear you from across the street? While you try to rapidly assess how she knew her voice is screaming in your ear, with increasingly frantic calls about the call you just ended.  After several rushed declarations of innocence, an explanation that she is just a coworker and you were discussing the surprise party for your boss, and her huffing out a final “ I don’t believe you” and her hanging up on you, you just stare at your phone in disbelief. How did she know?

With the ever increasing advances in technology new ways to monitor what someone is doing, from apps that can be installed on your phone, bugs in your house, spyware on your computer, to a GPS in your vehicle the amount of tracking someone can perform on you without your knowledge is somewhat unnerving.

If you suspect your phone is being bugged consider the warning signs below:

  • Does your phone turn on suddenly even when not being used?
  • When you go to pick up your phone after not using it is the battery still warm?
  • When you are on a call is there an unexpected click or beep?

If you are feeling trapped, like someone is monitoring the solution could be to call in the professionals. You can contact a Private Investigator.

Before you go running off and calling one there are some precautions you may wish to take.

  • Consider clearing your internet browser history after performing searches
  • Don’t call from your home phone or cell phone, consider purchasing a disposable prepaid phone or borrowing a phone from a friend
  • Don’t place the call from inside your home

All of these actions can prevent tipping off the person monitoring you that you are on to them. Todd Redding is a veteran licensed private investigator that specializes in affair discovery, cheating spouse and alimony private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 1-888-777-0683.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

 

Cheating When Children Are Involved

Cheating When Children Are Involved

You’ve had this nagging suspicion for so long that he’s cheating. All the red flags are up: the phone calls, the late arrivals home at night, and he activated that gym membership that he stopped using after the first year of marriage. Then he comes home and his face lights up when the kids come running to him. Suddenly he’s more patient with them, more caring. Even if he is cheating, the kids are happy and they need him. Maybe all of this is easier if you just don’t know.

It is easier to believe if you never go looking the family can be happy. If you knew the truth you’d want to leave him on the principle of the matter. But in the end your kids need their father right? Knowing the truth would tear your family apart. Believe it or not, avoiding it to protect your children can still hurt them. Children are inherently sensitive to trouble in the household and not addressing it can cause a lot more damage than actually addressing it.

There are a lot of factors to consider. The first being, do you really have to know? It’s one thing to brush off him being home 20 minutes late once because of traffic, but when you find yourself needing to rationalize a reason to go through his phone it might be time to admit there is a trust issue in the relationship. Before you jump straight to the accusations think through your concerns and keep the following Do’s and Don’ts in mind.

Don’t

  • Don’t immediately go asking your children or their friends about what your spouse is up to when you are not around. It can open them up to feeling as though they were part of the affair by not telling you sooner, or that they did something wrong by lying to you. Until you’re sure there is something going on its best to keep them out of it. When taking steps to find out the truth, keep it discreet.
  • Don’t vent to your children about your suspicions. It can put a strain on their own relationship and can even feel like a burden to them to have the knowledge that something is wrong.
  • Don’t confront your spouse with your children present. It can be traumatizing and chances are having them present won’t prevent yelling or arguments.
  • Don’t try to hide your feelings. When they start asking what’s wrong instead of telling them about your suspicions, just say you have things on your mind, but it’s not their fault and they don’t need to worry.

Do

  • Do once the truth is in the open with you and your spouse decide what to tell your children together. Presenting a united front can lessen the impact and prevents your children from having to feel as though they have to choose a side.
  • Do be honest with your children about your feelings. Chances are they can sense it, denying it just makes them feel like maybe you can’t tell them because they are the cause of it.
  • Do reaffirm they are not the cause of the fighting between you and your spouse. They may never say they feel it’s their fault, but they may still be feeling it.
  • Do keep communication open. In the end you know your children best. If you feel like they need to talk about it more don’t hide from the conversations. Once they can verbalize and understand what is wrong they can begin to move forward from it.

If you are having suspicions about your spouse a Private Investigator can help you discreetly find out what your spouse hasn’t been telling you. Todd Redding is a veteran licensed private investigator that specializes in affair discovery, cheating spouse and alimony private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 1-888-777-0683.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

 

The Other Woman

The Other Woman

In the blur of emotions after the confirmation your husband is cheating its common for the other woman to spring to mind. Who is she? What does she have that you don’t? Most of all, why her? On some level you understand why the cheating occurred, the underlying tension between the two of you has just been building. Now you just want to understand why she would knowingly wreck your home. When it comes to be the “other” women there are actually a few reasons why a woman may have become entangled with your husband.

  • She honestly didn’t know. While this may be one of the most overused and not always honest responses, sometimes she just didn’t know.
  • She is also in a relationship where she feels alienated from her significant other. Often the initial attraction can come simply from being desired, both parties are able to connect through the thrill that someone is so attracted to them they are willing to cheat.
  • She didn’t think it would do any harm. This rationale is a bit more difficult to process, because she may have actually rationalized the situation to herself and believes that the cheating is actually helping your relationship because he doesn’t feel as stressed after the interludes.
  • She is jealous and is trying to steal him. Perhaps the rarest scenario, yet still the stereotype. This is usually the first thing that springs to mind when you envision her, but in reality there are still the other reasons.

Do you suspect your man has another woman?  Todd Redding and his staff of professionally trained licensed private investigators specialize in affair discovery and cheating spouse private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult and scary situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 1-888-777-0683.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

Polygraphs

Polygraphs

Have you ever wondered what a polygraph test is or thought, “Do these test really work”? If so here is a break down about the Polygraph test and the pros and cons about using this type of test. The foundation built on the Polygraph test is that telling a lie is stressful and because of this stress there can be a measurement made and recorded to see if you are telling the truth. The Polygraph gets its name because the test consists of simultaneously monitoring several of the suspect’s physiological functions. The most important and functions to be tested are breathing, pulse, and galvanic skin response. These functions are recorded and printed on graph paper for the observer to determine.

Arguments For and Against

 

For:

  • Few people can control all three physiological functions at the same time
  • Polygraph examiners run pre-examination tests on suspects, enabling the examiners to measure that individual’s reaction to telling a lie.

Against:

  • Some subjects can conceal stress even when they are aware that they are lying.
  • It is at times unclear to distinguish an individual’s stress generated by the test and the stress generated by a particular lie.

According to the American Polygraph Association there has been over 250 studies conducted on the accuracy of polygraph testing during the past 25 years. In fact the most recent computerized testing research reveals that the accuracy of computerized polygraph systems is close to 100%. Most of the known errors occur with polygraph examiners that are simply not as experienced. In many cases the Polygraph tests have been proven reliable and have a history of helping police and private investigators solve the problem. If you or someone you know are in need of a Polygraph test feel free to contact the PI Agency. Our advice is always free, 1-888-777-0683

Polygraph Testing

5 Types of Cheaters

5 Types of Cheaters

The arguing is over and the affair has been drug out into the open. Still full of adrenaline and conflicting emotions the different relationship options start flashing through your mind. One of the biggest will likely be: Should I stay or do I demand we end it? While there are a multitude of factors, one of them is whether they are likely to cheat again. In this situation knowing what kind of cheater your partner is should factor in.

  • Serial Cheater:

    This cheater is characterized by having many different cheating partners’, most of them likely one night stands. This cheater feels the need to cheat not because of dissatisfaction in their relationship, but instead the desire for the thrill. Emotionally they are rarely involved with their partners, but continue to crave the sexual excitement.

  • Emotional Affection Cheater:

    This cheater has formed an emotional attraction to another person, usually through a friend scenario and the relationship is likely just evolving. The cheater may be under a great deal of stress or depression and has formed an attachment to someone other than their spouse because of it.

  • Opportunistic Cheater:

    This cheater may still be very attached to their spouse, but has an attraction to another. This type of cheating is most often driven by opportunity and risk taking behavior. In some scenarios alcohol or substance use may have been a factor in the encounter. After the encounter they frequently experience large amounts of guilt.

  • Romantic Cheater:

    This cheater has very little emotional attachment to their spouse and remain committed to the relationship but still craves an intimate connection to someone else. Once they find the intimate connection though they still rarely form a long term relationship with the other party.

  • Committed Cheater:

    This cheater is committed to their relationship but lacks emotional feelings for their partner. They are able to justify the cheating by convincing themselves they are entitled to have the things they are not getting from their relationship. In the end they do not want to lose the relationship because they are concerned about how others will view the end of their relationship and do not want to be viewed as a failure.

Not sure what kind of cheater your spouse is? You may consider a Private Detective. Todd Redding is a veteran licensed private investigator that specializes in affair discovery, cheating spouse and alimony private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 1-888-77-0683.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

Financial Infidelity

Financial Infidelity

There is a form of infidelity that has become rampant, and it doesn’t require actual cheating. Its financial infidelity and according to recent studies almost half of our population may be committing it. Unlike physical and emotional infidelity it doesn’t require a spouse to be having an affair with another person. However, this form of infidelity does have some of the same trademarks. Financial infidelity is the act of holding bank accounts or stashes of money, spending money, possessing credit cards, or otherwise incurring debt and keeping it a secret from one’s spouse or partner.

Much like physical and emotional infidelity the act of hiding money or spending habits is often done because of a lack of trust in the relationship. Financial infidelity usually starts when partners have different money management styles. Where one partner may constantly want to save money, the other may be a compulsive spender. When layered onto disproportionate earnings between partners, money can become a hot topic and when conversations hit a standoff one of the partners may resort to financial infidelity.

Some of the warning signs of financial infidelity may include:

  • Not seeing copies of the bills each month and when asked your partner constantly has a reason why they aren’t available
  • Your partner insisting on maintaining a separate bank account and not allowing you access or confiding in you how much the bank account contains
  • Receipts for items that list a different amount from what your partner told you the item cost
  • Your partner shutting down or becoming defensive whenever finances are brought up
  • Coming across a stash of money that you don’t know the origin of
  • Discovering your partner has a bank account they have never mentioned

If you think your loved one may be hiding things you may consider a Private Detective. Todd Redding is a veteran licensed private investigator that specializes in affair discovery, cheating spouse and alimony private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 678-316-9374.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

They Cheated: Now What?

They Cheated: Now What?

“My spouse cheated on me.” Typing those words into a search engine can be an almost surreal experience. Even odder is that the phrase tried to auto fill. Cheating is now considered almost a common place event in our society, but that doesn’t mean we know what to do now. So finally the truth came out, so now what?

After cheating comes to light there are a multitude of avenues to take, and each couple needs to decide for themselves. The first option being an end to the relationship with one or both parties determining the relationship will not be continued. This can be in the form of a separation or directly to divorce.

The second option is a bit broader. Sometimes revelation of cheating can act as a catalyst for the relationship to evolve. While the relationship may not be the same, acknowledging what was lacking can help the relationship move forward.

Regardless of which option you choose consider using some of the steps below:

  • Take an action of not taking action: In the heat of the moment after an affair has come to light it can be easy to deliver ultimatums or other extreme courses of action. These provide a temporary feeling of comfort, but once the extreme emotions have dwindled may lead to less opportunities or regret over the actions taken. Start with the smaller decisions.
  • Handle logistics: Make sure the day to day logistics are handled. If you have children, make sure their rides and activities are covered. In the time after the acknowledgement of cheating you may be distracted, irritable, depressed or even emotionally shut down. Don’t let this prevent you from making sure your day to day life is still on schedule.
  • Create a support network: Reach out to those you trust, you may even consider a therapist for one or both of you. Your support network can help handle logistics, provide an ear to listen when you are ready to talk, and provide emotional support during the process.
  • Don’t hide from the truth: Acknowledging the cheating can be an emotional and painful process, but it’s important not to try and sweep it back under the rug. Ask questions, as much as the answers may hurt it can help show what led to the cheating in the first place.

If you think your loved one may be cheating on you or hiding things you may consider a Private Detective. Todd Redding is a veteran licensed private investigator that specializes in affair discovery, cheating spouse and alimony private investigations. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face this difficult situation alone, please call The PI Agency, 678-316-9374.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

ThePIAgency

Emotional Infidelity

Emotional Infidelity

As a society we have a generally understood definition of cheating. That definition involves a physical betrayal. Recent statistics suggest as many as 60% of married individuals will at some point in their marriage engage in a physical act of infidelity. These numbers may be on the conservative side as more opportunities for infidelity are becoming available. As more women enter the workforce the opportunities for office romances increase. Additionally, modern technology allows contact to be made without alerting the spouse’s suspicions. Visits to chat rooms, sending private e-mails, even texting allow parties to contact each other discreetly. Eventually though this form of cheating leads to physical encounters. The physical encounter can serve as a concrete understanding cheating has occurred.

Yet, there is another form of cheating: emotional infidelity. It is generally agreed upon that emotional infidelity involves forming and fostering emotional intimacy that can promote the possibility of sexual intimacy at some point in the relationship. However, this is not the primary focus of the relationship from the beginning. The other party may be there as a confidant, someone to join on adventures with, or even a supportive friend. Outwardly, a relationship of this nature is not a threat to a marriage, but what about when the spouse doesn’t divulge all the encounters?

Emotional infidelity is so much more difficult to track because the basis for the relationship is non sexual, meaning opportunities to detect the infidelity are much fewer. The damage caused by emotional infidelity doesn’t wait until the relationship has become sexual, it appears much earlier. A majority of spouses have a friend they don’t always mention spending time with. Even this seemingly minor transgression can start to plant seeds of doubt and begin to dismantle a relationship. Even though the encounters may not have been sexual, the secrecy can cause the spouse to have doubts about their partner’s loyalty.

It is incredibly difficult to determine when an emotionally platonic relationship turns into emotional infidelity. If you feel like your spouse is hiding things or have begun to question their loyalty it may be time to find out the truth.

Todd Redding and his staff of professionally trained licensed private investigators specialize in affair discovery / cheating spouse private investigations, child welfare and alimony recovery. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face your difficult situation alone, call The PI Agency, 678-316-9374.

Best of all, “Our advice is always free.”

ThePIAgency

How does one cheat and have no guilt about it?

How does one cheat and have no guilt about it?

There is a small number of the population that never experience guilt when committing the act. A larger majority of people feel the sting of their conscience, however their mental defenses block-out the guilty feelings.
People will resort to blaming, victim thoughts, minimizing their actions, rationalizing, or plain denial as a method to justify their actions and push away the guilty conscience. If there is resentment toward their partner justifying their actions by thinking their partner deserves it. If they have committed to an affair for a long period of time, their heart has likely hardened to the behavior and they don’t feel as guilty.
The lack of remorse doesn’t constitute a lack of conscience. It is an indication that they have thought to the point of justifying what they’ve done in an effort to avoid taking responsibility for their lack of accomplishment in their relationship or marriage.

WHAT were you THINKING??!!!

Sad to say, if they had thought it through and considered the impact of their actions, there is a greater chance they never would have committed the affair. I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from both men and women that say if they had known the consequences of their actions before they had acted, then they would have never done it! I think few people consciously way all the costs when they act out. For your sake and theirs, I wish they’d been thinking. There would be far less business for me, but the world would be in better relationships.
Todd Redding and his staff of professionally trained licensed private investigators specialize in affair discovery / cheating spouse private investigations, child welfare and alimony recovery. The PI Agency is a 20 year Atlanta, Georgia based private investigation agency that caters to the needs of domestic and civil private investigations throughout Georgia, Alabama and Florida. You don’t have to face your difficult situation alone, call The PI Agency, 678-316-9374.

ThePIAgency